The Descent Continues

So he went, it was hellish. I was pregnant, with a young child. Stressing about getting out of the Navy, moving, finding him a job. Sure I was still on my meds but really life was just overwhelming. The next few months were a blur. He finally got out of the Navy December 26th 2006. His MOS, the one everyone said it would make it so easy to find a new job when he got out? Yeah it really wasn't the best.

I had my second little girl on Febuary 17th 2007. Of course I didn't have any insurance. My DSHS application was still pending. The nurses and doctors treated me like garbage it was great for my self esteem.

My husband finally got a job that started April first. We had like 2 weeks to find a new home. So we found a place in Tacoma, put in for a move and loaded up a few things to stay for a week with no furniture. It actually wasn't too bad, my Dizzy loved running around the wide open spaces of our new apartment...6 weeks after having my second daughter I felt those familiar symptoms. I went into Target with my 17 month old and newborn baby and bought a pregnancy test. Yes I felt like a freak.

I was pregnant. Again. We freaked. My husband asked me to get an abortion. We fought about it, talked about it, cried about it and finally I convinced him I couldn't do it.

The next year went by in a blur of pain and exhaustion and ended in a c-section and a 9lb baby girl. I asked them to tie my tubes when they were in there. They did.

It took me forever to heal from my c-section. I couldn't take it easy like they recommended. I couldn't not drive, or walk up a bunch of stairs or lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. I had three kids damnit.

Honestly a lot of the last 2 years have blurred by. I had periods where I was deeply depressed and off my meds due to cost. Periods where I was on my meds but still depressed and totally sleep deprived. I was off my meds for just about a year because my insurance raised the price. $50 for a prescription of Effexor XR. I had to have two. So $100 per month. We just couldn't swing it. Of course when I told my dr. that I had to go off due to cost did the moron mention that regular Effexor was now a generic? No of course not. So I went through a long long long period of depression. By the time I finally went into the doctor to demand some help I hated everything, I was 100lbs overweight, I couldn't stand my husband, my kids, my cat, my house I pretty much just couldn't stand my life.